Manhood: Strap On Some Balls and Be A Man
SOCIETAL EXPECTATIONS
“A little less complaint and whining, and a little more dogged work and manly striving, would do us more credit than a thousand civil rights bills.”
W. E. B. Du Bois
The quote above pretty much sums up how I was raised. Suck it up and be a man! Quit your whining and be a man! Men don’t cry in this house! A real man doesn’t make excuses; he just gets the job done! And yes, my personal favorite, strap on some balls and be a man!
There was a quote attributed to Henry Ford during the Great Depression. I cannot find it, but the intent of the quote was to say that those who were failing during the Depression were failing because they lacked the fortitude of a real man, and that the opportunities to succeed were available to any man willing to work hard. Obviously a bunch of horse dung, but that was the pervasive belief during the early –and-mid-Twentieth Century.
Men were expected to be strong. Men were expected to get the job done with a minimum of complaint. Men were the backbone of the country, the providers, and the pillars of society. They were rugged, silent, dependable, and showed very little emotion except for that occasional outburst of temper. Men were rough and ready, barely refined but always there when the going got tough. They played hard, they worked hard, they drank hard, and they cussed hard.
If you did not fit into that stereotype then heaven help you. That guy seems a little fruity, doesn’t he? What is he, a fag? What a goddamn wimp! What do you mean he doesn’t play sports? It’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t play sports! Has he had a date yet? It’s hard to trust a guy who doesn’t date women, don’t you think? What is he, some kind of perv?
It is all so exhausting, and it is all so wrong!
I am what I am
- The Human Experience: The Sum Total of All Parts
This author is the sum total of all the lessons learned during his lifetime.
A DIFFERENT TIME
“To be meek, patient, tactful, modest, honorable, brave, is not to be either manly or womanly; it is to be humane.”
Jane Harrison
It is not universal, but there is now more acceptance to the idea that manly comes in all shapes and sizes, and I for one say thank God for small favors!
Quite frankly, it is exhausting being someone you are not. I was not made in that image. Lord knows I tried. I tried to cuss and fight, claw and scratch. I tried to be the strong, silent type who would take on foes fearlessly. I tried to keep my emotions in check and never show weakness.
And it almost killed me!
My Uncle Mike, my mother’s brother, lived in Torrance, California. He was the father of fifteen kids and a World War II veteran. He came home from the war early with a medical discharge. He was, in fact, what they called shell-shocked in those days; today we would call it having PTSD.
Mike was a gentle soul when I knew him. He was a loving father, a good provider, and a great uncle. I never heard him raise his voice in anger. He stood out from the rest of the family because he didn’t appear to be very “manly.” He didn’t pound back beers at picnics, nor did he cuss. He simply lived his life as best he could, content with who he was, and he treated others with respect and compassion.
One of my best friends in college was gay. This was during the 60’s, and there was some acceptance of it in certain circles, but still, gay was gay, and being gay certainly did not fit into the manly stereotype. I heard from him a couple years ago, and he has two adopted children, he is a counselor for physically and emotionally abused children, and he is at peace with who he is. And why wouldn’t he be?
Let's talk about self-love
THE POINT IS THIS
There are so many out there who struggle with this idea of manhood. If they don’t fit a certain image they believe that there is something wrong with them, and it is very sad and it is all nonsense. We can’t all be John Wayne riding off into the sunset rescuing damsels in distress. Hell, most of us don’t know how to ride a horse, and we would probably shoot off our own foot if we had a six-shooter.
Show me a man who has compassion for others and I hereby proclaim him manly.
Show me a man in touch with his emotions and I hereby proclaim him manly.
Show me a man who has found that gentleness is a virtue and I hereby proclaim him manly.
Show me a man who can be counted on to walk his talk and I hereby proclaim him manly.
The societal image of manhood is a myth. It has been fostered and cultivated as some ultimate truth over the years, and it does more damage than good, by far. I will stand in defense of my loved ones, and fight injustice wherever I see it, but don’t expect me to spit chew, pump weights, and bend steel in my bare hands simply because of my gender.
On the flip side, do not look at me and assume I am not compassionate or empathetic simply because of my gender. I cry for those who suffer and there is no shame in admitting it. I am sensitive and I am not ashamed of it. I respect women and I admit it and I am proud of it.
IMAGE AND LIKENESS
Every girl should be thin and have perfect features, and ever guy should appear to be the reincarnation of the Marlboro Man as he rides off into the sunset. So the media would have us believe, and so many out there try to attain that which is unattainable. And if we have bought into this trash, and we believe it, we are certain to suffer the after-effects. Low self-esteem awaits us at the corner of Inadequate Street and Loser Avenue.
I am so tired of the posturing and strutting, like peacocks prancing about trying to impress with their plumage.
In fact, I would submit to you, that we have a new generation growing up trying to find that which is in them already. Boys grow up trying to emulate their fathers. If you are a father, beware! Raise your son to be comfortable with who he is and not dejected over not being who you want him to be. The greatest gifts we can give our children are love and a feeling of self-worth.
My name is Bill Holland, and I am a man. I may not fit your notion of manly, but I am my own man and proud of who I am. I may not spit nails but I will stand by your side if you need a friend. I may not boast a forty-eight inch chest but I’m as strong an advocate for the downtrodden as you will find. I may not be six feet four but I will stand tall when called upon to help others, and I will provide a shoulder to cry on if you need one.
My name is Bill Holland, and I may not fit your concept of manly, but I am humane!
2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)